It’s a full moon tonight. I’m not quite entirely sure what full moons have mean for me. My friend and I would like to think that it heightens and intensifies emotions. We treat them as moments of happiness, whether together or alone. Surely, it must mean more than that, right?
I can say that I am feeling pretty good right now, despite all of the pandemonium that takes place in my head. My heart wants me, needs me even. I breathe.
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
I just heard this from the trailers of The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Now, call me slow, but I have yet to read this novel. It’s been on my [imaginary] list that resides in my head, which happens to be always in this mode of multitasking. When shit needs to get done, I’ll make a list. Anyway, that wasn’t the point.
I’ve heard this quote so many times, and I can recall possibly nodding my head to it quite often. At the same time, however, I want to point this out. The love we think we deserve very much seems to be influenced by the love shared between parents/guardians, siblings, friends, etc. It’s so interesting how I’ve seen myself manifest all of these habits that I thought I would never internalize. It’s disturbing, and I want to change it all. My love is something, alright. I’ve gotta work on it.
At the same time, when we choose to demonize and dehumanize individuals, our love is withdrawn from them, which makes me think about the love we have for animals, specifically pets - dogs, cats, etc. I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I can say I wish on-campus residences allowed animals. I would love to come home to a dog.
I’ve gotta figure out what I wanna do next with my hair. At the same time, considering that it’s been so overcast lately, I can say that something thick won’t be such a problem. I just gotta remember that when it’s hot in September, I better have a clear idea as to what I want.
That, and I’m gonna make sure I learn how to surf this summer. So, I’m thinking of a hairstyle that’ll look good wet. AHAHAHA.
I’ve seen things I didn’t want to see. I’ve heard things I didn’t want to hear. But I’ve ignored it all. I made excuses in my head and I convinced myself that everything will be okay within the time being. No. I’m so naive and so in denial that I don’t realize what is really reality. I have to face it. I can’t have things go my way and I can’t change how other people feel. But with that being said, I know what’s right for me. It hurts and its hard to accept it but I can handle it. I’ve been through so much worst that what I’m feeling right now can’t even compare. What happened, happened and all I can do is learn from it and move on. I need to stop looking back; live in the present and just hope for the best. We’re done and I need to finally get that in my head. If things were to change, it should of happened. All I’m doing is hurting myself and making things harder for me. I need to stop looking, I need to stop trying, and I need to stop caring as much.
I feel you. It’s been such a tough process to move on [in any direction], and as much as I push myself to move on [because I need it], I often find myself slipping back into habits as if they never went out of context. I don’t wish to labor myself like this any longer. It’s difficult to withdraw love from somebody. It’s even much more difficult to transform it into self-love, but it’s gotta happen.
Take it easy, yo. As much as I’ve tried to rush this process, I’ve gotta understand the power and the importance of taking baby steps. Healing is an ongoing process. Be gentle with yourself. Be generous with yourself.
You can’t say you care about me, that being with me made you happy, that you still like me, but not want to be with me. You can’t tell me you care about me, but you keep publicizing that you’re checking out other guys along with ignoring me. You care about me? You wouldn’t have left. You would’ve stayed and made things better. I’m fucking bitter, angry, numb, and hurt, but all you can do is constantly tell me the same shit over and over.
I’m going to tell you now, you made me want to leave you so many times, but I stayed, and things got better. Regardless of the many doubts I always had, I stayed, and things always got better. I never gave up on you like all the other guys before me, but you’re just like the rest of them. You leave me when things are getting too hard for you. I honestly wish I didn’t use up my time and money for somebody that is just like the others. And you wanted me to open up and trust you?
I feel you so much.
I am tired of these homonormative, neoliberal, assimilationist and consumerist notions of equality. Do you really think this is social justice?
Les Miserables - Official Trailer (HD)
The poor souls of “Les Misérables” belt out songs of poverty and despair. In melodious voices, they dream a dream of a better life and happier days. But perhaps what they’re really dreaming about is Oscar night.
Starring Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe, the new movie version of the hit stage musical is scheduled to open in December for maximum awards impact. For the past few months, the folks at Universal have been stoking public interest in the prestige project by releasing a steady stream of on-set photographs. Jackman, who plays Jean Valjean, has tweeted from the production.
On Wednesday, the first trailer for “Les Misérables” was released online. Anne Hathaway, who plays the forlorn prostitute Fantine, sings “I Dreamed a Dream.” (Some may wonder why the producers didn’t cast Susan Boyle instead.) We catch glimpses of Jackman, Crowe as Inspector Javert, Amanda Seyfried as Cosette and Eddie Redmayne as Marius.
“Les Misérables,” based on the Victor Hugo novel, opened on Broadway in 1987 and closed in 2003 after more than 6,600 performances. (Will the musical’s cult following translate to big box office? Or will the movie go the way of recent screen musicals like“Nine”and “The Phantom of the Opera”?)
The musical continues to tour the country, having recently played at the Ahmanson. The tour will open at the Segerstrom Center for the Arts in Costa Mesa in June.
Regardless, I cannot wait this movie to come out!
Oh, hell no. Hollywood is attempting a stage-to-screen adaptation of not only a novel that I read my freshman year in high school, in its entirety I must say, but also a musical that is far much more powerful in performance than to be loosely translated across the screen with actors and actresses who probably will not do justice to the reality that is the work of Claude-Michel Schonberg. How can one say that these “poor souls” are belting on screen, especially considering that the following discussion is based nearly and entirely on one of receiving awards? As already predicated by a friend of mine who has dedicated his life to musical theater, this musical was produced for those who can communicate what speech alone cannot. Unfortunately, I do not believe the cast here cannot fully reproduce what others reproduce nightly to an audience of hundreds, if not thousands. So much will be lost in this production like that of Jonathan Larson’s Rent and Stephen Sondheim’s Sweeney Todd. I am not necessarily looking forward to this movie’s release.
You don’t have to say everything. You say what you think is right. You say what you think I want to hear. That doesn’t soothe my soul, but if that’s how you soothe yours, so be it.
I will soothe my soul. No one else will.
If I care about someone, they deserve to know. It’s as simple as that, isn’t it? It’s just… we get a little creative about how we show our care.
It’s a process. I’m continuing my process. I’ve slipped back into habits like it never went out of context, but I will continue to liberate myself from such oppressive actions because I cannot live like this any longer. I must respect myself enough to withdraw love from people who hurt me continuously, and if this is the case, I must respect myself enough to leave the people who damage me on more than one level.
I no longer wish to play this role. I don’t need needless suffering. We’re just friends. All of that doesn’t mean anything. I mustn’t forget my power. I mustn’t forget critical liberation. I’ve been so critical of my struggle but only to the extent that it is healthy and sustainable.
I want to be free. I will be free.
